While I agree that there is nothing wrong with wanting a better lifestyle for your family and yourself. I don't think it should cost you everything to reach your goals. Sometimes we strive so hard to achieve goals and to better our lifestyles that we lose track of the very people that we claim to be doing our life's work to support. Therefore, I must ask you who are you really doing it for?
When you come home one day and find out that you are living with complete strangers. I must ask you who are you really doing it for?
When you identify yourself with material objects and bank accounts. I must ask you who are you really doing it for?
If you go to the store to buy some jewelery and you find yourself spending more on it then what your budget allows. I must ask you who are you really doing it for?
The things that we are blessed to have are just that... Blessings! They are not meant to define us nor for us to define other people by. When you begin to put a material value on the people you socialize with, the people you date and your family. You have just lessened your own value, because you put a price tag on something that should be priceless. When your material value begins to depreciate you will begin to see for sale and foreclosure signs appear in your relationships that were built on material value. Only people who really love and respect you will still be there and you will find that in most cases those were the people who you neglected the most.
So ask yourself "Who am I really doing it for?".
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
U Are Your Children! Do Your Like What U See?
We are living in a time in history where many people think that being accountable for their actions is a second or third option. For some, accountability is not an option at all.
Many parents display a lack of accountability to their children by allowing the television, older siblings or family members to constantly be the babysitter, their romantic relationships, jobs, and social life to come before their children. Some of the messages that are sent to these children are that: they don't count, they come last in your list of priorities and their value has changed because this person has entered your lives. These are some of the slow and poisonous examples of how parents taint and teach their children lack of accountability. Sending these types of messages to your children destroys their self-esteem; they develop low moral standards for themselves and gain a limited understanding of who they are.
The results in some cases are: disobedience and lack of respect of themselves and their parents, dropping out of school, drug use, sex, and they develop a nothing to lose attitude. You may ask yourself how do parents that display lack of accountability contribute to their children's dysfunction. Here is a good example, think back to when you were a child and your parents bought you a toy. You were so excited and promised to play with the toy everyday and you took an oath that you would never get tired of playing with the toy. Until one day you saw another toy that attracted your eye. You begged and pleaded with your parents to "GET YOU THAT TOY!" You finally got the toy. Now that old toy is buried in the heap of all the old toys that you promised to play with forever and ever. By displaying a lack of accountability to your children they become like that old toy that you were once excited about and that you promised to take care of forever and ever. Somewhere along the line you lost interest and tossed your children into that heap of old toys where you’re broken dreams and aspirations lie.
One of the great things about life is that sometimes we get a second chance to live our dreams and aspirations, but sometimes people are not so easy to offer a second chance. I implore you! If you are a parent that displays a lack of accountability to your children, please adapt your lifestyle to welcome your children back into the fold. If you are okay with stealing your children's dreams, aspirations and self-worth then don't complain about the results of your lack of accountability.
Many parents display a lack of accountability to their children by allowing the television, older siblings or family members to constantly be the babysitter, their romantic relationships, jobs, and social life to come before their children. Some of the messages that are sent to these children are that: they don't count, they come last in your list of priorities and their value has changed because this person has entered your lives. These are some of the slow and poisonous examples of how parents taint and teach their children lack of accountability. Sending these types of messages to your children destroys their self-esteem; they develop low moral standards for themselves and gain a limited understanding of who they are.
The results in some cases are: disobedience and lack of respect of themselves and their parents, dropping out of school, drug use, sex, and they develop a nothing to lose attitude. You may ask yourself how do parents that display lack of accountability contribute to their children's dysfunction. Here is a good example, think back to when you were a child and your parents bought you a toy. You were so excited and promised to play with the toy everyday and you took an oath that you would never get tired of playing with the toy. Until one day you saw another toy that attracted your eye. You begged and pleaded with your parents to "GET YOU THAT TOY!" You finally got the toy. Now that old toy is buried in the heap of all the old toys that you promised to play with forever and ever. By displaying a lack of accountability to your children they become like that old toy that you were once excited about and that you promised to take care of forever and ever. Somewhere along the line you lost interest and tossed your children into that heap of old toys where you’re broken dreams and aspirations lie.
One of the great things about life is that sometimes we get a second chance to live our dreams and aspirations, but sometimes people are not so easy to offer a second chance. I implore you! If you are a parent that displays a lack of accountability to your children, please adapt your lifestyle to welcome your children back into the fold. If you are okay with stealing your children's dreams, aspirations and self-worth then don't complain about the results of your lack of accountability.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tap into the positive resources available to U!
Each day I try to learn something of value. I attempt to do this by reading books and newspaper articles, attend Tuesday night Bible study and Sunday Church service, workout etc. I talk to people of high intellect and men like my father who has a lifetime of experience and wisdom. I do this so that I may become a well rounded individual and to broaden my perspective on life. Through reading, discussion and practical application of the knowledge learned; I have learned many of life's lessons. Furthermore, I have found that being receptive to the teachings that I've been exposed to have allowed me to prosper in many ways and avoided many trial and error lessons that life has sent my way.
I see life not only as an evolutionary process where we create generation after generation to carry on a family name and/or tradition for decades, but life is a legacy process also. We must set standards and plant seeds for current and future generations to prosper from. We see legacies and traditions acted out when we see generations of families that are successful, family businesses, during the holiday season and during family reunions. We also see legacies in the form of generational curses acted out everyday that are very destructive such as child abuse and domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, poverty and illiteracy. I believe that if people that are trapped in the rout of a generational curses begin to tap into the positive resources available to them (i.e. God, the local Church, positive family and friends, books etc.) they could begin the process of breaking the shackles that they are bound by.
One of the most important lessons that I learned as a mentor to young men is that no man is an island and that I too must be mentored. Being mentored allows my perspective as well as my understanding to grow. Furthermore, I don't have to reinvent the wheel by making the same mistakes that my mentor's have made. Moreover, being receptive to wise counsel allows me to capitalize on opportunities that I may have otherwise missed due to my own understanding or misunderstanding. Now let's be honest, we are all limited to our own understanding. Therefore, tapping into the resources available to U is vital to expanding your own perspective and understanding. Once a seed is planted and takes root, whether the seed be good or bad, it will bring forth a harvest. So be mindful of the seeds that you plant and the seeds you allow to take root in your life. I encourage you to tap into the positive resources available to U!
I see life not only as an evolutionary process where we create generation after generation to carry on a family name and/or tradition for decades, but life is a legacy process also. We must set standards and plant seeds for current and future generations to prosper from. We see legacies and traditions acted out when we see generations of families that are successful, family businesses, during the holiday season and during family reunions. We also see legacies in the form of generational curses acted out everyday that are very destructive such as child abuse and domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, poverty and illiteracy. I believe that if people that are trapped in the rout of a generational curses begin to tap into the positive resources available to them (i.e. God, the local Church, positive family and friends, books etc.) they could begin the process of breaking the shackles that they are bound by.
One of the most important lessons that I learned as a mentor to young men is that no man is an island and that I too must be mentored. Being mentored allows my perspective as well as my understanding to grow. Furthermore, I don't have to reinvent the wheel by making the same mistakes that my mentor's have made. Moreover, being receptive to wise counsel allows me to capitalize on opportunities that I may have otherwise missed due to my own understanding or misunderstanding. Now let's be honest, we are all limited to our own understanding. Therefore, tapping into the resources available to U is vital to expanding your own perspective and understanding. Once a seed is planted and takes root, whether the seed be good or bad, it will bring forth a harvest. So be mindful of the seeds that you plant and the seeds you allow to take root in your life. I encourage you to tap into the positive resources available to U!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Do you see situations with 20/20 vision?
OUR EYE'S ARE MADE TO SEE! We can identify shapes; determine colors and objects, see family and friends etc. Sometime, when I look at the sky, I can see cloud formations that remind me of a face or a place. With my eye's clearly focused with 20/20 vision on the things that I want to see. I wonder if I'm seeing situations that are right in front of me from a near-sided or far-sided perspective. Furthermore, I wonder what am I not allowing myself to see at all.
To answer these questions I had to do a self-assessment. I find that the best way to conducting a self-assessment is in a non-critical manner. I found this hard to do, because like many people I'm my own worst critic. I would like to believe that I am doing everything right and that I make all the best decisions. But the truth is, thinking that I'm "Mr. Perfect" is only my pride and ego attempting to cover up my shortcomings and attempting to defend the indefensible. It's was important for me not to allow pride and/or ego to interfere when I conducted my self-assessment because both would have tricked me and installed a false sense of security and correctness in my thinking.
To successfully conduct a self-assessment I had to look at situations in my life through empathetic eye. Suddenly situations that seem chaotic, futile and difficult suddenly became very clear. I no longer viewed these situations with near-sided or far-sided vision because I was able to put myself in the other person’s shoes and I was able to put my pride and ego aside to be honest with myself. There is a saying that hindsight is 20/20. This saying is so true, but why must I see situations with 20/20 vision after the damage is done. Is it because I allow myself to operate behind the false security that pride and ego supply until I am able to strip away the layer to see me for who I am? And is who I am, not my representative (pride and ego) the person I want to be? To and answer these questions I had to learn to observe my own action and understand what is going on inside of me before I react to a situation.
The fact is that every man, woman, and child have both pride and ego. The longer that both are left unchecked the more they get out of control. I have found that self-assessment is an excellent tool for me to be honest with myself and allows me to see situations with foresight instead of hindsight.
I ask you the question I asked myself. Do you see situations with 20/20 vision?
To answer these questions I had to do a self-assessment. I find that the best way to conducting a self-assessment is in a non-critical manner. I found this hard to do, because like many people I'm my own worst critic. I would like to believe that I am doing everything right and that I make all the best decisions. But the truth is, thinking that I'm "Mr. Perfect" is only my pride and ego attempting to cover up my shortcomings and attempting to defend the indefensible. It's was important for me not to allow pride and/or ego to interfere when I conducted my self-assessment because both would have tricked me and installed a false sense of security and correctness in my thinking.
To successfully conduct a self-assessment I had to look at situations in my life through empathetic eye. Suddenly situations that seem chaotic, futile and difficult suddenly became very clear. I no longer viewed these situations with near-sided or far-sided vision because I was able to put myself in the other person’s shoes and I was able to put my pride and ego aside to be honest with myself. There is a saying that hindsight is 20/20. This saying is so true, but why must I see situations with 20/20 vision after the damage is done. Is it because I allow myself to operate behind the false security that pride and ego supply until I am able to strip away the layer to see me for who I am? And is who I am, not my representative (pride and ego) the person I want to be? To and answer these questions I had to learn to observe my own action and understand what is going on inside of me before I react to a situation.
The fact is that every man, woman, and child have both pride and ego. The longer that both are left unchecked the more they get out of control. I have found that self-assessment is an excellent tool for me to be honest with myself and allows me to see situations with foresight instead of hindsight.
I ask you the question I asked myself. Do you see situations with 20/20 vision?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Shatter the Ceiling Above
The definition of the word ceiling according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ceiling is - the overhead interior surface of a room. In aeronautical terms the online dictionary references absolute ceiling which is- the maximum altitude at which an aircraft can operate under specified conditions. My definition of the word ceiling in reference to life is simple - Self-inflicted or circumstantial limitation (barring physically or sociological problems).
Now lets apply these definitions to our lives. When a ceiling exist in man, woman or child's life in the form of drugs, alcohol and/or physical abuse, lying, stealing and addiction of any kind, the individual and their families are robbed of their blessings. Consider this, when we are at home watching television or having a family meeting at the dinner table, we are protected and insulate by the walls and the ceiling above from the elements that are outside. Now consider a young man who drops out of school, begins selling drugs and becomes a father all by the age of 16 or a single mother of five who struggles to balance family, work and school or how about the young soldier that has been deployed for 18 to 24 month and is now returning home to a daughter that is now walking and talking and a wife that he has to orientate himself too because the distance the time away has allowed her to grow without him.
In each of these scenarios a ceiling exists. But the ceiling will only exist as long as the individual allows it too. The Bible states that "As a man thinkith so is he" that means as long as you think destructive and deceitful thoughts and travel on the lonely highway of despair you will continue in the same condition thus creating a ceiling for yourself. Initially, this ceiling is created in the mind through allowing life's issues and circumstance to take root. The mind acts as sponge and those seeds (thoughts) that you let in quickly begin to blossom. Those negative thoughts begin to crowd and block the positive thoughts and that ceiling over time becomes a mental prison that blocks many blessings.
How do you shatter the ceiling above?
1. Develop a spiritual relationship with God and pray - because your spiritual relationship with God + prayer will change all things.
2. Learn to forgive yourself for being a hostage to your mind. By forgiving yourself, you can learn to truly love yourself and the people around you.
3. Surround yourself with positive people and influences - the people that are around you greatly influence your perception and world views. So choose friends and constituencies wisely.
4. Shatter the ceiling above because your worth it! You are worthy of the blessings that God has for you!
If you think about the mind for a moment... the mind is limitless if nurtured and groomed properly. I can prove this to be true because everything that exists today started with two things: first, a thought and second, an action. Understanding these truths allows each individual to write a vision and be blessed or cursed by it. The choice is yours!
Now lets apply these definitions to our lives. When a ceiling exist in man, woman or child's life in the form of drugs, alcohol and/or physical abuse, lying, stealing and addiction of any kind, the individual and their families are robbed of their blessings. Consider this, when we are at home watching television or having a family meeting at the dinner table, we are protected and insulate by the walls and the ceiling above from the elements that are outside. Now consider a young man who drops out of school, begins selling drugs and becomes a father all by the age of 16 or a single mother of five who struggles to balance family, work and school or how about the young soldier that has been deployed for 18 to 24 month and is now returning home to a daughter that is now walking and talking and a wife that he has to orientate himself too because the distance the time away has allowed her to grow without him.
In each of these scenarios a ceiling exists. But the ceiling will only exist as long as the individual allows it too. The Bible states that "As a man thinkith so is he" that means as long as you think destructive and deceitful thoughts and travel on the lonely highway of despair you will continue in the same condition thus creating a ceiling for yourself. Initially, this ceiling is created in the mind through allowing life's issues and circumstance to take root. The mind acts as sponge and those seeds (thoughts) that you let in quickly begin to blossom. Those negative thoughts begin to crowd and block the positive thoughts and that ceiling over time becomes a mental prison that blocks many blessings.
How do you shatter the ceiling above?
1. Develop a spiritual relationship with God and pray - because your spiritual relationship with God + prayer will change all things.
2. Learn to forgive yourself for being a hostage to your mind. By forgiving yourself, you can learn to truly love yourself and the people around you.
3. Surround yourself with positive people and influences - the people that are around you greatly influence your perception and world views. So choose friends and constituencies wisely.
4. Shatter the ceiling above because your worth it! You are worthy of the blessings that God has for you!
If you think about the mind for a moment... the mind is limitless if nurtured and groomed properly. I can prove this to be true because everything that exists today started with two things: first, a thought and second, an action. Understanding these truths allows each individual to write a vision and be blessed or cursed by it. The choice is yours!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Divorced/single parents, relationship and supporting your children
I have been divorced and a single father for nearly 5 years and I realize on a daily basis the importance of my relationship with my son’s mother and the impact that our relationship has on our son.
My son’s mother and I have a working relationship that is only based on the care and welfare of our son. Our son lives with me and his mother gets him every other weekend. At times, it seems like it’s only me working on our relationship, to keep it cordial and civil. At other times, we work seamlessly together and without a hitch. If I allowed my pride to interfere when an unreasonable demand is being made of me or when something doesn't go my way. It would be easy to dismiss her, with disregard and/or disrespect like I see so many men and women do on television and in the streets. But before I react I ask myself, "What signal would I be sending to my son with a negative reaction?" Would I be saying that it's okay to treat women this way. Would I remind him when he doesn't act the way that I expect him too that he reminds me of his mother. Therefore, his worthy of the same treatment.
The majority of divorced/single parents need to wake up and get off their personal soapbox when it comes to their children and stop using their children to exercise their own personal hurt and pain. With every negative reaction that divorced/single parents displays towards one another the children get exposed to the harsh venom of life, separation and non-acceptance. Then we wonder why so many children in divorced/single parent households suffer from low-self esteem, depression and display guarded behavior. I believe that in a lot of cases the strain of the divorced/single parents relationship has ingrained those characteristic into the children.
When I tell my son "I love you" I say it from a selfless and unconditional vantage point, just as my father did for me, when I came to live with him at 10 years old. Regardless, of the relationship that my mother and father had, he always supported my relationship with my mother and encouraged me to have a relationship with her. For example, I cannot tell my son I love everything about him except for those characteristics that remind me of your mother or that I love you but I don't support your relationship with your mother because I have a personal differences with your mother. If I showed my son love like this, it will surely backfire on me because it will turn from me saying "I love you" into him saying "you don't I love me, because you deny who I am!"
In the book The Audacity of Hope by President-Elect Barack Obama he asserted that when he was first elected to the United States Senate in 2004 that many of his colleagues and constituencies viewed him as a blank screen in which to project their ideology and bureaucracy on because he was so new to the Senate. In many ways our children serve as that blank screen. Good or bad, parents project their ideology and bureaucracy onto that children. Because of that children are limited to the parents understanding or misunderstanding they tend to repeat the same behaviors. I encourage those divorced/single parents that have custody of the children to support their children's relationship with the non-custodial parent (barring any abuse) because this will help to easy the personal pain that your children endure in due to the divorce or separation.
My son’s mother and I have a working relationship that is only based on the care and welfare of our son. Our son lives with me and his mother gets him every other weekend. At times, it seems like it’s only me working on our relationship, to keep it cordial and civil. At other times, we work seamlessly together and without a hitch. If I allowed my pride to interfere when an unreasonable demand is being made of me or when something doesn't go my way. It would be easy to dismiss her, with disregard and/or disrespect like I see so many men and women do on television and in the streets. But before I react I ask myself, "What signal would I be sending to my son with a negative reaction?" Would I be saying that it's okay to treat women this way. Would I remind him when he doesn't act the way that I expect him too that he reminds me of his mother. Therefore, his worthy of the same treatment.
The majority of divorced/single parents need to wake up and get off their personal soapbox when it comes to their children and stop using their children to exercise their own personal hurt and pain. With every negative reaction that divorced/single parents displays towards one another the children get exposed to the harsh venom of life, separation and non-acceptance. Then we wonder why so many children in divorced/single parent households suffer from low-self esteem, depression and display guarded behavior. I believe that in a lot of cases the strain of the divorced/single parents relationship has ingrained those characteristic into the children.
When I tell my son "I love you" I say it from a selfless and unconditional vantage point, just as my father did for me, when I came to live with him at 10 years old. Regardless, of the relationship that my mother and father had, he always supported my relationship with my mother and encouraged me to have a relationship with her. For example, I cannot tell my son I love everything about him except for those characteristics that remind me of your mother or that I love you but I don't support your relationship with your mother because I have a personal differences with your mother. If I showed my son love like this, it will surely backfire on me because it will turn from me saying "I love you" into him saying "you don't I love me, because you deny who I am!"
In the book The Audacity of Hope by President-Elect Barack Obama he asserted that when he was first elected to the United States Senate in 2004 that many of his colleagues and constituencies viewed him as a blank screen in which to project their ideology and bureaucracy on because he was so new to the Senate. In many ways our children serve as that blank screen. Good or bad, parents project their ideology and bureaucracy onto that children. Because of that children are limited to the parents understanding or misunderstanding they tend to repeat the same behaviors. I encourage those divorced/single parents that have custody of the children to support their children's relationship with the non-custodial parent (barring any abuse) because this will help to easy the personal pain that your children endure in due to the divorce or separation.
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